staticshin

Would you like to have sherlock holmes as your tenant?

"Yes please!"

Err.. that was quick. I suppose that lately you've been watching re-runs of Sherlock and your fascination for our enigmatic detective is at an all time high. Not only would you like to have him in your house you would gladly assume the role of Mrs. Hudson and gratify Holmes with a cup of tea every morning while he sets your first floor on fire.

"Oh it's not that bad"

I can almost picture you sitting wistfully in front of you computer screen thinking that anything would be better than your current "boring" tenants. You are perhaps asking yourself what could be so bad about this Holmes? After all he has been worshipped by a generation of followers and has helped to solve some of the worlds most puzzling mysteries. Well dear reader let me tell you right now that Mr. Holmes is every landlord's/lady's nightmare.

Poor Mrs. Hudson suffered at this hands this brute, this monster of man, this disgrace of a detective, for decades but dared not to breathe a word against him, fearing a public outcry. But his friend and chronicler Dr Watson was much more courageous. He openly criticized Holmes and the havoc he wreaked upon 221B baker street. These are his words

"Mrs Hudson, the landlady of Sherlock Holmes, was a long-suffering woman. Not only was her first-floor flat invaded at all hours by throngs of singular and often undesirable characters but her remarkable lodger showed an eccentricity and irregularity in his life which must have sorely tried her patience. His incredible untidiness, his addiction to music at strange hours, his occasional revolver practice within doors, his weird and often malodorous scientific experiments, and the atmosphere of violence and danger which hung around him made him the very worst tenant in London."

In the great libraries of London, should you get a chance to visit them, don't forget to read the universally acclaimed and the definitive guide to land lordship "The tormented landlady: An autobiography of Mrs Hudson" [1]. Many researchers believe that the true purpose of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's seminal work was to warn the landlords of London about the hazards of not choosing your tenants carefully.

Prof Mel Brook of the Great London Landlord college (or Glolanco as it's fondly called) remarks:-

"An entire generation of readers have been tricked into believing that Sherlock Holmes is a detective series. It is the greatest fraud committed by a man in the entire human race! Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote the Adventures to give voice to the frustrations he had with his own tenant. The books paint a sad picture of a devoted landlady. A gentle old woman who expects only two things of her lodgers a) to pay their rent on time b) not to bring stray dogs in her premises in order to administer strange concoctions to them. She is witness to the atrocities committed by that brute Holmes upon her beloved quiet residence at 221-b Baker street.

Meanwhile, Mr Huntley of the Tenant's empowerment association rubbishes the statement by Prof Mel Brook claiming that it is the tenants who have been long suffering at the hands of Landlords.

"And if that statement by Prof what's his name is true I am glad that one among us stood up to them and showed them their place."

As for me, I have, my dear reader, always looked out for your interest and before I leave to judge the chararcter of Mr Sherlock Holmes, there is one suggestion that I would like to make. That when you rent you your house make sure to have a proper rent contract in place and that you always maintain your rental accounts.

[1] Let me warn you though that the book is extremely rare and in high demand. Only the most affluent landlords get a chance to turn it's pages in their lifetime. However I am working with the London library to release this book in an electronic format for your benefit. No need to thank me though. I consider it my duty and my solemn mission in life to make every landlord aware of it's presence.

-Akshat Jiwan Sharma

It takes more than a pipe and a silly hat to make a great detective!